?

Log in

No account? Create an account
entries friends calendar profile
Renditions of a Jester
so after a long awaited period
i am back on the net
holy shit ... took forever
so yeah
work
html
pics
vids
all to come
later

DRAKEtheJESTER
Leave a comment
Its funny how you can always tell the things that will never last. Maybe its just that gut feeling, or the omen that shows up when you least expect it. However without a doubt....there are signs. Signs to be neither ignored nor written off, but to be analyzed and carefully documented. They are everywhere, as prevalent as people and so much more helpful. They are often looked over in these modern times. For thousands of years, those who were able to read and interpret these signs, were revered above all others. And now.... now my friends we have lost sight of our former glory and have chosen a more logical outlook upon the world around us.
But what has logic cost us? What have we gained from looking at life from a logical standpoint? To be sure, there are things that are better taken in the logical view. Yet, there are so many things that are better left to the imagination, so many things that you never wanted a logical reason for. As children we believe in things. Things that are now told to be false and ridiculous to our "more intelligent" adult minds. Santa Clause, The Easter Bunny, ..... True Love. All of these things written off to be fake and unreal. Why?
Don't you remember when things were so much simpler? When you could believe any thing you wanted and the world was just one big adventure to be held. Honestly.... its funny.
 
I say we embrace the signs and the unreal, I say we BELIEVE again. I say fuck reality and logic. Just go with it. Just fucking damn well go with it. Because honestly, I don't want to look at my life in 50 years or 5 and say, "Wow! Its funny how I stopped believing in all those things and suddenly I was 21 going on 60." I want to look back and say that there was never a moment that went by that I knew what was coming next. And that there is not a question in my  mind that I had a fucking good time at it.



Current Music: NONE

Leave a comment
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

LETS TAKE A LOOK AT THIS COMPLETELY FUCKTARDED THING THAT WEE CALL LIFE
I MEAN ...... COME ON ..... LETS REALLY LOOK DEEP
WHAT DO YOU GET.... 70...75 YEARS IF YOUR LUCKY ...?
WHY IN THE FUCK ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE IN THE WORLD LIVING LIKE THEY HAVE TO SAVE SOMETHING?
I MEAN .... DONT GET ME WRONG ... IM ALL FOR SAVING THE RAINFOREST AND CONSERVING RESOURCES
BUT COME ON .... GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK...
WE HAVE BILLIONAIRES HORDING MONEY BACK LIKE THIER GETTING READY FOR THE NEXT APOCALIPSE
SPEND THAT SHIT
WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU WAITING FOR ... CHRISTMAS?????
DEAR OLD DEATH TO COME AND SAY "JOHN, SINCE YOU HAVE SAVED NINE AND A HALF BILLION DOLLARS ....
WERE GONNA DO SOMETHING SPECIAL.... WERE GONNA LET YOU TAKE IT WITH YOU." ?????

WHAT THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE THINKING.....
SERIOUSLY ....
EVERYONE IS SO FUCKING CONCERNED ABOUT MONEY AND THE SECURITY OF THIER PLACE IN THIS WORLD
THEY TEND TO FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING THAT LIFE IS SUPPOSED TO CENTER ON ....
MONEY IS GREAT .... HAVING MONEY IS FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC
BUT WHY DO YOU LET YOUR LIFE CENTER AROUND IT....
PEOPLE GET MARRIED FOR MONEY....
PEOPLE GET DIVORCED FOR MONEY....
PEOPLE KILL FOR MONEY...
??WHAT THE FUCK??
THAT WAS NUMBER ONE....
HERES NUMBER TWO...
WHY ARE PEOPLE SO GODDAMN HIPPOCRITICAL
THEY TELL YOU TO DO ONE THING THEN THEY TURN AROUND AND DO THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE
I KNOW ... IM NO BETTER
BUT EVEN I AM SICK OF MY OWN SHIT
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH US PEOPLE....
WHERE THE HELL IS THIS GOING????
FUCK YOUR SHIT
FUCK MY SHIT
FUCK EVERYBODYS SHIT
COME ON PEOPLE ....
STOP DICKING AROUND AND WAKE UP
THERES ONLY ONE LIFE TO LIVE AND ITS YOURS
STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT PERFECT
STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT GREAT
BECAUSE ITS ONLY WHEN YOUVE LOST EVERYTHING
THAT YOUR FREE TO DO ANYTHING


PS

FUCK
 
Leave a comment
so yeah.... my stepdad finally accepts the fact that im out here taking care of my mom while hes away.  wow ... took him long enough .... oh well ... any way .... on a side note HE HE HE HE HE HE 


and thats all
Leave a comment
So see .... the thing is ... i was never good at letting go of the past. It seems im doomed to repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Same story ... new people. Still trying to figure out whats missing. Its nerve racking .... honestly. When does it end? Where are the breaks in the monotony... the small pinpoints that show you there are still some lights at the end of the tunnel? When do i find those unlucky few that i can depend on? Ive spent most of my life watching it pass me by, hoping that in learning and gaining knowledge of the outside world (without giving away my motives, of course) that i could in some way cheat time at its own fucked up sadistic game. And yet ...... i have failed so miserably and completely in succeeding, that i have a hard time figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM!!!!! However .... i digress. Back to the subject at hand.
         The past. It plays like a movie in the most inconvenient parts of the day. Between the shots in a game of pool. From the time i drop the application off at McDonalds to when i waltz through the door of Taco Bell. Between this sentence and the next. Its there .... breathing and molding itself into my present existence. Like the shadow of the boogeyman when you went to sleep with the covers held up over your head because you couldn't sleep for staring at the closet door, wondering if he was coming out to take you away in the middle of the darkness. Im not afraid of the boogeyman anymore, but the past ..... that scares the holy fucking shit out of me. Why? you ask. What could be so frightening about something that has already happened? And just there ....  just there the simplicity of it all smacks me in the face. Because its already happened. Its over .... done. And i cant get back yesterday. So you see .... i was never good at letting go of the past.

Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
Current Music: poppin champane - all time low

Leave a comment
So yeah ....
Today was interesting. Ive come across a few new obsessions in my world. A few more things Ive decided need to be followed and watched after. Its odd how i can completely and utterly distract myself from all of the things that bother me by focusing on someone I don't even know. I think that is fucking fantastic!!!


~*ANYWAY*~


As I was saying before I so rudely interupted myself. Today kinda sucked but then again it was kind cool. I got to do some total revamping on a few comps. I ALSO finally had the chance to get on here and post a new entry. So i feel pretty good about the entire situation. I gotta get some sleep .... soooooo ... Later to all of those who are not watching.... im out.

Current Mood: okay okay

Leave a comment
Ive done this so many times
pour my heart out on the internet
not for some kind of sympathy or pity
but to warn others
of what comes with my existence
i should have been dead long ago
should have never lived in the first place
can this blaze burn me away
i dont know anymore
i just dont know
sacrifice
retribution
they say take it one day at a time
what happens when you dont have the time to take
i can feel it
well ,,, rather the lack of it
the only way it goes is to be given
and now the body breaks down
i really dont give a shit about punctuation
dont care about sentence structure
or any of the rules of writing
who needs rules
why go for suicide when you can go for pain
i think edgar allan poe had it well
"From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view."
its my favorite poem
and even there i give away a little piece of myself
sometimes doing the right thing
means giving up the one thing we want the most
but giving up has never been so hard as it is now
even to this moment
i want to go back and beg forgiveness
i want to go back and change that day
to go back and be selfish
to say fuck the right thing
and take what i crave the most
its only a matter of time
until the pressure forces the blood from my veins
its only a matter of time
before i can go in peace and pieces
its so simple so elegant
so destructive
life
it does nothing but destroy
antagonistic and pointless
at least thats mine
yours , is probably full of
something worth living for
me ive given it all away
thrown it from me
in an act of abysmal stupidity
and endless intelligence
theyll never know why
maybe someday they will see
maybe
so many hopes
ill never be able to run away
from the one thing
from the only thing
that ever mattered
i wont be so stupid
never again
ill never forget my place
never forget
what i deserve
not a second goes by
not a moment
not a thought
that doesnt contain the memory
of that one day
the hardest part of getting back up
is knowing that youll fall again
knowing that grace is nothing but
a false state of mind
but this is just me
remember
dont even try
you wont understand
its futile to try
its all for nothing
my mind drifts
and i know im writing this for you
its all
for you
my life
my imminent demise
ALL OF IT
EVERYTHING
GOD DAMN ME
well
its too late for that
that happened a long time ago
i breathe heavy
the heart within this chest
barely beating
my only comfort
knowing your better off without me
i never planed it this way
never knew
your probably sick of reading this but i dont care
there will be more after this
but none of it will mirror
the feelings inside
but its not worth it
im
not worth it
the only hope i have left
is that i live and die
in more pain than i ever gave you
the ghost of my past will forever haunt me
i just wish the world would forget me already

DRAKE

Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic
Current Music: seether - BROKEN

Leave a comment